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May 2009

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May 8th, 2009

jenradislost in anolimiclife

(no subject)

hey everyone
im new to this place.... i'm 23 years old, and im at med school.

i am the 3rd child my parents didnt want, and my 'family' abandoned me and my 'parents'
(if you would refered to them as parents ... who abused me for years)
blamed me for their divorce at the age of 11 years old, cut me out the family 11 years ago.

i grew up in a all girls catholic boarding school, since the age of 11- for 7 years, took a gap year and applied to med school...

well you can prob guess what a screwed up childhood would have done to me ED wise.

but i live off junk food, ewspecially when i binge...

i dont eat meat, im allergic to alchohol, dairy and wheat (gluten).

i cant have mirrors in my own room as i cant bear the sight of myself..
im distgusted with my weight and size...
aiming to loose 15lbs by new year....
so fighting a loosing battler....... cry*

its uni exam time... and as usual...  ... i am alone.stressed. freaking out, panicing
. and no suprises i am loosing control too...binge eating like crazy....

ive been like this for years... if i am busy ... i can keep it under control..
but i have a hunch that twhen i wake up tommoorrow... im gonna be full blown ana...
and it scares me yet makes me smile at the same time....
its frightening even trying to explain why i feel like that...

how are you all really doing?
- as i really need to know that im not alone, and that its normal to be beating myself up.....

i just want to be accepted ....

i cant beleive ive piled on 8kg over the last month... im so disgusted with myself!!!